Here’s another one of these fun casino advertisements posing as a newspaper article. It’s clearly marked “press release” at the top, but I still wonder why Yahoo! is publishing this stuff.

So without anything further, join me as we glide on an authentic Asian fishing boat commandeered by one of those guys with the fishing hat and stick, through the waterfall, and over to the Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant & Bar at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

Overlooking Bellagio’s iconic lake in which fountains perform a magnificent aquatic ballet choreographed to music and lights, Yellowtail’s stunning and sleek ambiance will set the stage for award-winning chef Akira Back’s menu of authentic traditional and modern Japanese cuisine dishes.

Ah, yes. Utter sophistication in that bastion of sophistication known as Las Vegas, where everything is everything but even more. Especially at the iconic Bellagio lake down the street from the iconic faux-Eiffel Tower and iconic New York skyline. It’s all very, very, iconic. Even more so than most icons.

So how will they pull this off? Well, start with Yellowtail, which, in Japan is known as Hamachi and cherished during the winter months. Oh, but you say this restaurant is in Las Vegas and opening during the summer? No matter. Chef Back is on the case.

Anyone heard of the family name Back? That’s a new one on me. I apologize to any Backs out there I’m offending in suggesting it’s not a real name. Akira Back sounds more like a Japanese porn star. A Japanese porn star working in America.

Seasonal fish and ingredients flown in daily from the finest markets and purveyors around the world will be showcased in sushi, sashimi, tempura and hand rolls. A multi-course Omakase menu, which translates to “entrust,” will afford the opportunity to sample Back’s best culinary creations composed of small dishes. Combining world-class cuisine and an inventive chic dining experience, Yellowtail will be Las Vegas’ go-to Japanese dining hot spot.

Ah, yes. I love fish purveyors, even more than fish sellers. I guess these purveyors exist outside the fish markets. Maybe they hunt exotic fish and sell them under the table. Or maybe they just work at fish markets. Well, at any rate I will “entrust” them with my safety because, after all, this is an Omakase menu. I’ll especially entrust them to serve me Japanese food tapas style, because I love nothing more than paying entree-level prices for hors d’oeuvre size food. Especially after a day of waltzing through the pumped-in-oxygen filled casinos in a city where everything is more than anything and even more.

Designed by the world-renowned Rockwell Group of New York City, Yellowtail’s elegant wood and stone decor will foster a vibrant atmosphere and its intimate size will exude exclusivity. The restaurant’s signature design element, a 25-by-13-foot, wall-mounted installation at the entrance, will be created using bronze metal scales that resemble the dorsal side of the eponymous fish.

Nothing exudes exclusivity like oversized eponymous fish scales. I can’t wait to feel exclusive in the hands of Chef Back. Hopefully they’ll be a McDonalds outside so I can look at all the poor people eating. If not, maybe Yellowtail can install a cage of some kind. I just like to feel exclusive to the extent that I often exude it.

The dining room will offer a cozy setting with screens composed of woven twigs set inside antique brass frames. Diners seeking the quintessential Las Vegas experience will enjoy the excitement of The Strip from a patio overlooking Bellagio’s famed fountain show.

Oh, I’m glad you mentioned the quintessential Las Vegas experience. Where’s my coupon for a free shrimp cocktail?

The design of Yellowtail’s menu will encourage sharing and mimics Chef Back’s culinary philosophy “to bring happiness to my guests by creating a memorable experience through food.” Accessible and fun shared plates will include Toro Sashimi with caviar and microgreens; Yellowtail with Serrano peppers, cilantro and yuzu-kosho, a condiment made from the zest of yuzu blended with chili peppers and salt.

Oh, yes. Microgreens! That Chef Back is such an authentic guy, which is why I entrust him. I mean nothing says Japanese like small vegetables and South American chili peppers. Especially with a condiment made of citrus peel, more peppers and salt. Three cheers for Chef Backdoor! Throw in a cage of poor people that I can watch while I’m eating and we’ll have a deal.

In addition to traditional raw fish preparations, Chef Back will create a selection of innovative dishes inspired by his global travels as a professional snowboarder and experiences working with industry greats, such as Nobu and Morimoto. These dishes include Big Eye Tuna Pizza with shiso, an aromatic mint-like herb popular in Japan; and Maine Lobster Carpaccio with sweet onion and cilantro.

You know, when I eat at a good Japanese restaurant, I often find myself thinking, “I bet this chap is a good snowboarder.” Maybe that’s how he became so multi-cultural that he can mix small vegetables with hot peppers from South America. I bet he’s snowboarded in a place like Nepal and has a good sense of how poor people can be. Should make for a good cage.

I am wondering where he learned to make Big Eye Tuna Pizza though. That might be the most authentically Japanese item on the menu.

Yellowtail will offer a hand-selected extensive sake collection, encompassing several different types from the classic to the avant-garde representing many prefectures from across Japan. Large bottles of sake and souchu also will be displayed at the 18-seat bar where illuminated rice paper and colorful photos of Japanese flowers will offer a warm glow.

Ok, now, before I completely blow up here, I’m going to make an allowance. I’ve seen the word “souchu” two times in my life. Both instances have been in snotty, condescending food articles like this. In the other, the writer was attempting to talk about Korean soju. S-O-J-U would be how Koreans spell soju IN ENGLISH, as in, on the bottle in Korea. It also is exactly how soju transliterates from Korean. It’s a “j” sound, not “ch” at all.

I’m allowing a microgreen’s worth of room here in case Japanese people pronounce it as sochu. It’s entirely possible and I hope someone will confirm this. If they don’t I’ll promptly blow the top of my skull from it’s base because this phony Japanese restaurant in Las Vegas is lumping soju ($2 a bottle in Korea) in with sake as upscale, avant-garde Japanese spirits.

I might even go there and light the rice paper flowers on fire.

Yellowtail will offer a 180-seat dining room, 30-seat intimate lounge, and 30-seat private dining room. Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant & Bar will be open 7 days a week for lunch from noon to 3 p.m.; dinner will be available 5 p.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday - Thursday, and 5 p.m. to midnight Friday and Saturday. For more information, please visit www.lightgroup.com.

What a lively, wild, city Las Vegas is. I mean, it’s almost the city that never sleeps minus six or seven hours. What a liability leaving those restaurants open until the witching hour on Friday and Saturday. I bet all kinds of celebrities party there all night until 12:00 am the next morning. Celebrities lead such wild, wonderful lives.