As a NTU Medical Student, everybody has to do an Internal Medicine 3 month rotation. Here we are taught the basics of diagnosis and documentation. At the very end of our admission papers, there is a summary called the “Problem List”, which lists the patient’s problems, assessment, and treatment plans. “S” are the subjective symptoms and histories of the patient, “O” are the objective physical signs and lab datas of the patient, “A” is the assessment of the situation, and “P” is the plan of treatment

I have taken this approach to diagnosing what the fuck went wrong in that 7th inning in that Taiwan/Japan game yesterday.

Problem 1:
Franconian Delayed Diagnosis of Fatigued Starter, suspect Little-Martinez Variation

S:
Clinical Suspicion of Fatigued Starter
Pitcher has a history of extensive arm abuse

O:
7th Inning, 6 H, 1BB, 1K
3rd Time Through the Order
86 Pitches

A:
Suspect Fatigued Starter, Delayed Diagnosis

P:
Prep LHP + RHP Reliever at start of Bottom of 6th
Inform Relief Ace about possible early aggressive intervention and usage for 2+IP
Try Continuing Starter for Start of 7th
When any batter reaches base, discontinue use of starter immediately, and switch to bullpen
as indicated by platoon + prep relief ace ASAP.

Problem #2
Buntington’s Free-Out Uptake Inhibition

S:
Low-Run Scoring Environment
Strong Japanese Bullpen
Unstable Taiwanese Infield Defense at 3B

O:
0 Out, Runners on 1B, 2B
Slow Catcher Bunting, Runners on Base fast
Throw goes to 3B, all runners safe

A:
Free-Out Uptake Inhibition

P:
Discontinue use of current Reliever
Adjust Infield to “Force Play at Home” Position
Switch to Relief Ace, stat
Future Patient Education about Run Expectancy Values and Appropriate One Run Strategy use.

Problem #3
Franconian Mismanagement of Bullpen

S:
History of losses during close games, (Olympics 2004, WBC 2006)
History of improper relief ace leverage, WBC 2006
Inability to take advantage of platoon

O:
Use of inferior relievers in high-leverage situations
Mismanagement of Relief Ace - usage in low-leverage situations

A:
Franconian Mismanagement of Bullpen, Grade IV

P:
There is no medical treatment for being an incompetent fucking moron

Ironchef is  a medical student at one of the 3rd-rate hack Medical Schools in Taipei