Written by Matt DeWoskin

This is my attempt to settle a barroom debate. If you’re a baseball fan and you’ve spent any amount of time in the Pacific Rim talking about baseball in a bar, you’ve had this discussion. “Who would you like to see play here?”

Before I start this, I feel it’s important to set some ground rules. Granted, this is wild speculation, but it’s important to decide exactly what kind of game I’m playing here.

1. Personalities count. As much as I would love to see Kyle Farnsworth living in Japan or, better yet, Korea, it’s not happening. I’ll do my best to avoid listing any Jason Johnsons. I would pay ten million won to have John Rocker play in the KBO. I’d also get a job as a reporter and everyday I would casually ask how the drive to the stadium was. I’d break him. Sidney Ponson would be even better. There would be a fistfight in a week. Either way, I’ll do my best to avoid headcases that might embarrass those of us who are not headcases and living in Asia.

2. Money counts. If a guy has made a ton of cash he’s not leaving the country. Mike Hampton will never come to Asia….assuming he was healthy enough to survive the trip.

3. Family counts. A guy with eight kids and a wife isn’t going to willingly relocate everyone to Taiwan when he can stay in Mobile, AL or Altoona, PA. “Good news, honey! I have a job! Before I tell you where, let me ask you something. Do you think the kids would like kimchi?” The guy’s wife would make sure he suffered a debilitating injury before he ever got on a plane.

 I hear Gwangju is beautiful this time of year….

4. Age and effectiveness counts. No more Mike Greenwells. As tempting as it was to include Nomar on the list, I can’t imagine an Asian team taking a risk on him, or Mia Hamm allowing him to leave the country for six months out of the year. I also get the impression that Asian teams are more interested in getting people who are still good at baseball instead of guys with name value. Sadly, this brought an end to Felix Jose in the KBO.

5. Steroid speculation is not a factor. If a Japanese team will take a shot on Larry Bigbie, then anyone is fair game. Except Barry Bonds. This is the last time his name will appear here. He would NEVER play in Asia no matter what his agent says.

6. Obvious names are not allowed. I’m not going to predict that Park Chan-ho will return to Korea to pitch for Doosan. That’s too easy.

7. I reserve the right to break these rules as long as I feel it will make a more entertaining or informative story.

Now, for the wild speculation

Catcher – Catcher was probably the toughest position to fill. Few positions rely more on communication than catcher does. I came up with two names that I felt would be able to make a successful transition to Asia. The first was Miguel Olivo. Miggy has been frustrating fans, coaches, executives and teammates alike for almost a decade now. He shows just enough talent to keep finding work on major league benches. I think his speed and bat would work well enough in Asia, but the most important tool he’d bring to Asia is his arm. The stolen base is a bigger part of the Asian game and his arm would have more of an impact here. Another name that came to mind was Raul Casanova, but that’s really for selfish reasons. I’d love to buy a KBO team jersey with “카사노바” on the back.

1B- I wanted to mention Jeff Liefer, but he’s already in Asia, so he’s automatically disqualified. I’m going to go with “Beltin’” Chris Shelton. He’s still reasonably young, but not young enough to be a prospect anymore. He fell out of favor in Detroit and now he’s a warm body with Texas. As best I can find, he’s not married, but he may or may not have a girlfriend. In 2005, “The Babe,” had a torrid April followed by an even more torrid slump. I think his power projects well enough and the lack of an opportunity with at the ML level could lead him to seek a starting role on another continent. Another guy I like for the future is probable bust Kendry Morales. Kendry was supposed to be the great Cuban Crusher. He’s fizzled out in the past few seasons and he’s likely older than his listed age. I get the impression he’s the Cuban Choi Hee-seop and we know where Choi ended up.

2B- This was one of the easiest spots to fill. Willie Harris. Trust me, Willie would hit in Asia. He’s always killed AAA pitching, but struggled at the big league level. Put him in Japan, Korea or even Taiwan and he could win a batting title.

SS – One word. Neifi!Seriously, I could see him landing a starting role in the KBO. If Wilson Valdez can find work…. Well, if we’re going with washed up shortstops, I guess I’d have to go with Royce Clayton. I get the impression “The Choice” isn’t finished. I think he has a little of the Jose Lima disease and he’ll stick around for five years after we all wished he was gone. Royce was most recently seen washing out of Pawtucket and he could be lured to Asia for a paycheck. He does have a family and a young son(Royce Jr…seriously). He is in violation of the Farnsworth/Johnson section of my rules. The ego on The Choice is not small.

3B- I wanted to go with former mediocre prospect, Marshall McDougal, but he’s married with child. So, I’ll take this as an opportunity to irritate Indians fans. Andy Marte. That’s right, the uber-flameout. Lesson learned? Don’t make trades with Atlanta. The Braves took one look at this kid and shipped him to Boston for Renteria, then Boston flipped him, Mota and Shoppach to Cleveland for Coco Crisp and David Riske. Alarm bells should have been ringing. “They just dealt this guy for a run producing SS, now they want to include him in a deal centered around a 4th OF? Sign me up!” Indians fans told me for years that he would be terrorizing my White Sox any day now. Now, it sounds like Cleveland has soured on Marte and he could have a chance to move on to Asia. A guy his age would probably be a better fit in the NPB. The biggest strike against him moving to Asia is his youth. He could still find his stroke at the ML level. It’s not likely, but if I wrote this last year I probably would have mentioned Carlos Pena. Give him another year or two of struggling at AAA and see where he goes.

OF – Two of my OFers are Mitchell Report guys. Steroids don’t seem to be that big of a deal in Asia. At least two supposed juicers are playing in the NPB at present, so why not take on a few more. Career utility guy Jerry Hairston Jr. and blocked former prospect Nook Logancould both find themselves in Asia. Logan is stuck in a loaded Washington OF and Hairston is struggling to find a ML bench job. I wouldn’t mind seeing Hairston in the KBO and Logan head to the NPB. I also like Choo Shin-soo to head back to Korea at some point. He needs to play in a league where he’ll get at bats. Another guy I like for Asia is The LTP, Joe Borchard. Joe was an uber prospect with ridiculous power. He’s the proud owner of the longest homerun in US Cellular Field history(504 feet, I was at the game) and I think his power would translate well in Asia. He did sign for a ridiculous amount of money before it was discovered he’s not very good at baseball, so he might be a bit more inclined to stay in the States for less money. I would too if I slept on my millions that I got as a signing bonus.

Pitching-

Pitchers are more likely to stick the ML than make the jump across the pond, there’s always a market for arms and the trend seems to be for the arms to stay in the US. I’d probably be better served looking at minor league stats for guys, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look…

The first guy that came to mind was El Duque. I get the feeling he’s determined to pitch for the rest of his life and he could start looking around the globe for work. A similar guy could be Darren Oliver. Who would have thought he’d still be occupying major league roster space in 2008?

Another guy that’s looking to rebuild his value is Wade Miller. A healthy year in Asia could land him a big contract in the states, but I get the impression he’s more interested in toughing it out in the minors on rehab assignments.

Knuckleballer Charlie Haeger has hit the glass ceiling the MLB. I don’t think he’ll be seeing much time on anyone’s 25 man roster. I’d love to see what a fulltime knuckler could do in Asia. R.A. Dickey would be a similar option.

A few tweener type guys I’m just going to casually toss out there are Jon Adkins, Grant Balfour (His bio claims he likes Thai food), Jason Simontacchi (for no other reason than to see his name written in Korean), Travis Blackley, Dewon Brazelton and Horacio Ramirez.

Matt writes the site 화이팅!: True Stories of Korean Baseball. He lives in Daegu, Korea and has a lifelong White Sox habit.