Think Cesar Izturis will cash in on the bonus clause in his contract that will pay him $50,000 if he’s named MVP of the division series?

Probably not. There’s no such thing as an MVP award for the division series.

That’s just one of the gems in an LA Times story that runs down some of the more odd contract perks past and present.

Some of the notables:

• If Houston’s Chad Paronto (career record, 6-11 with one save) is among the three best relievers in the NL next season, he gets $25,000. He also gets $25,000 if he finishes the season as the league’s best-hitting pitcher (he’s 0-for-4 lifetime)
• Tigers owner Mike Ilitch once offered Carl Pavano a few Little Caesars franchises to increase the value of the contract while staying within the team’s budget
• Arizona Diamondbacks once offered Troy Glaus a cool mil for wife’s equestrian training
• Part of Hiroki Kuroda’s deal with  Dodgers  includes eight first-class tickets home, an interpreter for his family,  English lessons,  a personal trainer who doubles as a masseuse, and a moving allowance of $30,000

Nice haul Hiroki.

While many contract clauses seem ridiculous, South Florida-based agent Juan Iglesias says they are often vital to getting deals done because they can help bridge the gap between what a team can afford and what a player thinks he should get.

“The market has gone up so high a lot of teams think it’s out of whack. And they say, ‘Forget about it. That’s way too much money to commit to a player,’ ” said Iglesias, who has negotiated incentive-laden contracts for Livan Hernandez, Antonio Alfonseca and Jose Canseco. “[So] they start being creative.

There’s also a funny bit about Jose Cansceco sending the Devil Rays ower, who is a big Notre Dame football fan, a Fighting Irish helmet autographed by Joe Montana. Naimoli responded by adding a $6.5-million option to the Devil Rays’ offer.